"Dispatches from the SF Culture War" is an ongoing, semi-regular feature that provides a line score for the Tech vs. San Francisco cage match.
Broadside: "You Techies Just Don't Get It," a satirical essay supposedly written by an anti-techie San Franciscan.
Sample Line: "You just insist upon working. You insist upon following your passion. You insist upon moving from the Midwestern town in which you were born—and in which it was your fate to remain—and seek out greener pastures in San Francisco. Could you be any more selfish? You were born in the suburbs of Cincinnati, Ohio—who the hell gave you the idea that you had the right to move to San Francisco? And displace real San Franciscans?"
Mood: Imagine if the Colbert Report were written by people who weren't really that funny. So you know, Red Eye with Greg Gutfield.
Weakness: You remember that old concept of argumentative charity? The one where you grant your opponents the strongest version of their argument? Don't worry, Goldberg hasn't heard of it either.
Tech Friendliness Rating (1=technophobe; 10= technophile): 11. This is the Spinal Tap of pro-tech screeds.
Fallout: Goldberg hasn't been the subject of so much mockery since the last time he was the subject of this much mockery.
More Dispatches from the SF Culture War
Chris Nicholson embraces fluxspaces
Bryan Goldberg tries his hand at satire
Matthew Yglesias thinks that Silicon Valley should move to Cleveland
Allison Arieff thinks that tech needs to learn more from urban planning