The #Hellastorm Awards (exist) - 3

Scott Lucas | December 11, 2014 | Lifestyle Story City Life

The Miles Scott Award for Luckiest Kid of the Year: The Santa Cruz boy rescued from under a fallen tree at Gateway School this morning. Firefighters were able to free him, and he got out with just a broken arm and some bruises.

The STFU Award: All your East Coast friends from college talking smack about the Bay Area’s wimpy reaction on Twitter. Look, everybody freaks out about different stuff, okay? We go crazy over rainstorms. You go crazy over terrible donuts and stale, over-sweetened coffee. Live and let live.

The We Live Just Moments Away From Plunging Into A Post-Apocalyptic Hellscape Award, Part One: Traveling by MUNI or BART through the eerily darkened Montgomery station this morning was a glimpse of our coming Matrix-style future: Bleak.

The We Live Just Moments Away From Plunging Into A Post-Apocalyptic Hellscape Award, Part Two: At one point this morning, all of Treasure Island lost power. (Nobody tell Bruce Baugmann, but that one wasn’t PG&E’s fault—they get their juice from the PUC.)

The Tourists Are out of Luck Award: All cable car service was suspended today, and all those vacationers had to take regular MUNI buses like the rest of us. Sorry folks. Come back next time?

The Democracy in Action Award: A meeting of the Recreation and Parks Department to decide whether the vending kiosk at Coit Tower should go on the west side or east side of the parking lot had to be delayed until after the New Year. Boy we can't wait for the resolution of that nail biter.

The Surf’s Up Brah Award: Swells at Ocean Beach were reported to reach up to 19 feet today. Maverick’s hit up to 22 feet.

The Winter Sports Award: People went surfing in Lake Tahoe today. For real! Here are the pictures.

The “You Know, We Learned Something Today” Award: Today’s conditions are known as an “atmospheric river.” Sounds like the title for the next Bon Iver album, frankly.

The That’s What She Said Award for Double Entendre: That 400 mile wide atmospheric river is also known as the Pineapple Express. Technically, it’s because it comes from near the Hawaiian Island. Really, though, we all know why it’s called that.

The Alannis Morisette Award for Most Obvious Irony: San Francisco didn’t enforce parking meters today. Of course, it’s not anybody wanted to be driving anyway. Tow away zones are still being enforced, though, so don’t get cocky.

The It’s Probably Twitter’s Fault Award: Traffic lights went out around Market Street this morning. We can’t prove it’s Twitter’s fault. Yet.

The Be Good to Each Other Award: San Francisco ramped up its homeless support services today, with hundreds of extra beds open at churches and shelters to keep people dry.

The Fresh Pow Pow Award: Snowpack in the mountains was only 35 percent of average for this time of year. When the storm finishes, that number is expected to jump to 75 percent. Hit the slopes, snow bunnies.

The Holy Smokes Look at This Manhole Blow up Award: This photo, in which—holy smokes, this manhole blows up.

The “There Is No God” Award for Most Horrific Storm-Related Disaster: Thanks to expanded storm coverage, NBC is bumping “Ellen” to 3 pm this afternoon. “Meredith” is bumped to two in the morning. Two in the morning!

The Neither Sleet nor Snow Award: The UPS dude just delivered a bunch of packages to our office. We asked him how the storm was. “Storm?” he said. “What storm? What are you talking about, dude?”

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