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Cool Grey City of Football: Wild Card Edition

Jeremy Dorn | January 6, 2014 | Lifestyle Story City Life

Single-digit temperatures can't stop our 49ers from sacking Aaron Rodgers. They can't stop Colin Kaepernick from threading the needle with his arm and shredding the defense with his legs. They certainly can't stop Phil Dawson from booting a last-second, game-winning field goal to send the Niners to Carolina to fight another week.

But apparently Green Bay's Lambeau Field has the uncanny ability to freeze people's actual brains to their skulls.

Otherwise, there's no rational explanation for how the 49ers burned through timeouts yesterday like the Kardashian sisters shopping with the Gates family debit card.

It took all of six seconds in the second half for Kaepernick and Jim Harbaugh to corral their powers of stupidity and burn a valuable timeout.

Why, you ask?

Because they can't tell time. Literally. There are gigantic clocks plastered around every football field. One tells the world how much time remains in the current quarter. The other, smaller clock holds two digits and explains how much time the offense has to snap the ball, lest they receive a penalty.

Or in this context, it's a countdown to the moment when 49ers fans' heads explode.

"Give them a break, Jeremy! I'm sure everyone makes mistakes like that occasionally!"


First of all, it's an easy concept. Look up, do quick math, yell "hut, hut." There, I'm an NFL quarterback.

More importantly, this has been an ongoing issue under Harbaugh—especially with Kaepernick under center. Seattle, Carolina, and New Orleans (if those three teams send a shiver of disgust down your spine, it's because they accounted for three of the Niners' four losses this season, all in different, but equally-frustrating fashions) don't have this problem. Leaving your team with zero timeouts in crucial situations against those teams will screw you. I promise.

"Can't you just be happy they won for once?"

No. I'm on a roll here. And I AM happy. See? This is my happy face.

All I'm trying to get across, for the millionth time this season, is this:

If the infamous Kaepernick-Harbaugh brain fart they call "clock management" strikes again in these playoffs it'll spell the end of the 2013-2014 Niners.

Alex Smith's Chiefs may be out of the playoffs but at least he can look at a wristwatch without getting a headache.

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