You might have already heard the news that last night Kanye West rented out AT&T Ballpark to stage a wedding proposal to his girlfriend Kim Kardashian, with whom he has a 4-month old daughter, North. Never known for his subtlety, West had the Jumbotron read "PLEEEASE MARRY MEEE!!!" and a 50-piece orchestra play Lana Del Rey's "Young and Beautiful," as well as his own "Knock You Down." The engagement ring was reportedly 15 carats. West is currently in town performing as part of his Yeezus tour in San Jose. Kardashian said yes.
Ok. Now that we have the basics out of the way, let's answer some real questions.
How much does it cost to rent our the ballpark?
According to the park's website, it will set you back a cool $200,000 for the full venue, with an additional $20,000 for the "Production Package" to use the scoreboard and other electronics. To Kanye, that's a cup of coffee.
My wedding had like fifteen people at it, and my proposal had the normal amount—two. Who were all these people in the stadium?
Well, family members, of course—although daughter North was not in attendance, because "the cool air in San Francisco was too much for [her] to handle." Those able to withstand the arctic ravages of 51 degrees (yesterday's low) included Joe Francis, the Girls Gone Wild founder (known for calling one of the many juries he has faced "mentally retarded") and Kim's hairstylist, Clyde Haygood.
I was planning to pop the question to my live-in GF on the Jumbotron during an upcoming NFL game. Are stadium proposals over now?
Yes they are. The Kiss Cam is done too. Where appropriate, you are still allowed to do the Bernie Lean or sing "Sweet Caroline." Please check with your local sports authorities.
Does this change the way I should feel about the proposed Warriors stadium or my vote on 8 Washington?
Maybe? We don't know. We wish we did. We're through the looking glass here, people. But this sure feels like the hyper gentrified future that people keep warning us about.
Isn't Kanye a Dodgers fan? What gives?
Yeah, but when he was on their Jumbotron in August, the fans booed him. We guess he's looking for a new team maybe?
Are the Wests going to move to San Francisco?
We heard those rumors yesterday too. We don't know. Maybe, maybe not. We do know, though, if they end up moving here, we give them five years before they head to Orinda for the schools.
Why didn't any local elected officials rush over there to claim credit in front of the cameras?
They were too busy doing that last night for the BART strike settlement.
Personal question—don't you usually write about, like, more important stuff, Scott?
I don't know what you mean. Literally nothing in the world is more important than this. Nothing.