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Exclusive Interview With the Bison Taunted at Bay to Breakers

Scott Lucas | May 19, 2014 | Lifestyle Story City Life

During this year's Bay to Breakers, a man jumped the fence at the bison preserve at Golden Gate park and taunted the animals, before he was led away by police. According to an SFPD twitter account, "The bison seemed unimpressed." In an exclusive interview, we talk to one of the bison involved in yesterday's incident.

San Francisco: So, what happened yesterday?
Bison: Well, the herd and I were just going about a typical Sunday afternoon. You know, chewing dry grass, swatting flies with our tails, reading Willie Brown's column in the Chronicle. We were about to head off to our yoga class, when this young gentleman hops over our fence and starts yelling at us.

Was he drunk?
I don't think he had come straight from church, if you know what I mean.

What about naked? Some news sources reported him as being naked.
No, I'm afraid he was quite clothed. It's too bad. I thought he was cute.

But the guy was taunting you, though, right?
Yes. We weren't impressed.

What did he say?
He called us a bunch of buffalo. That's a real slur to my people, you know.

I don't understand.
We're bison. He called us a bunch of buffalo.

Wait a minute, there's a difference between a bison and a buffalo?
Yes. There is.

Really? Really?
Look, I appreciate that you're getting our story out there, but your ignorance is very offensive. You need to check your privilege. That's like mistaking a Mission resident and a Noe Valley one.

I'm sorry. Did I offend you?
You know, it's tricky to taunt a bison. We've been through too much. I mean, we used to have our run of the Great Plains, until humans killed practically all of us. Then you rounded up the few that were left, stuck us in a cage, and said that we now belong to Dianne Feinstein. She's not even Mayor anymore. So, frankly, there's not a lot of pain that some name calling is going to cause. At this point, you've pretty much done all that you can do to us.

Geez. Sucks to be a buffalo, I guess.
I'm sorry, you know what? This interview is over.

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