At any age and any place, having table manners is essential. With many upscale restaurants taking prominence across the country, knowing how to behave appropriately at a dinner party is important. From instilling confidence to practicing respect, learning to be thoughtful when you are out to eat will allow you to concentrate solely on the people around you. Having proper etiquette also conveys trust and care for how you treat yourself and others. So next time you receive an invitation to somewhere fancy, refer to these eight table etiquette tips.
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The napkin issue: what to do with it, when to place it on your lap, where does it go when you have to use the restroom? Immediately upon sitting at a restaurant, place your napkin on your lap. Make sure the crease of the napkin is always facing you and when wiping your mouth, make sure to dab with the interior of the cloth to ensure it won’t stain your clothing when you place it back. If you need to excuse yourself to the restroom, say, “please excuse me,” leave your napkin on your chair and push the chair under the table. It is not necessary to say you are going to the restroom; save that picture for when people aren’t eating. If you need to cough or sneeze, use your napkin as a shield but never use it as a tissue, that is considered offensive and should be taken care of away from the table.
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When dining in an elegant setting, it is customary to provide cutlery and dishes for all kinds of cuisine; but what is the purpose of each? A general rule is to always eat from the outside: a salad fork on the farthest left is followed by the dinner fork, a soup spoon placed on the farthest right followed by corresponding knives to each fork. The dessert fork and spoon are placed horizontally above the plate but likely will be given at the end. Your bread plate will be placed on the left side. If you ever become unsure of which utensil to use, look to others to see what they do; a short delay in digging in will likely go unnoticed. If you drop a utensil on the floor, don’t pick it up. Instead, politely ask your server for a new one.
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Once you’re seated at the table, how should you sit? Your posture in a fine dining setting should be straight but not stiff, leaning against the back of the chair with both feet flat on the floor. Elbows should be kept off the table for the duration of the meal; you will then avoid disturbing the person seated next to you while avoiding knocking something over and making a mess. If you must rest your hands, place the wrist on the table’s edge while extending the hand over the tabletop. If you are engaged in an after-dinner discussion, your elbows may come back into play, but it is best to avoid them entirely.
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At an upscale establishment, bread is likely to be served before mealtime. When it is your turn to grab a slice, showing you know the proper way to attack it is the first sign you know what you are doing regarding polite dining. First, place a dollop of butter on your plate using the butter knife. Butter and dips should always be relocated to your butter plate before use, avoiding double-dipping controversies. Once on your plate, tear your bread into bite-sized pieces and use the already-plated butter to spread. Do not butter the entire piece at once. This practice is the most sanitary and courteous way to begin the meal.
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Your napkin is on your lap, your elbows are at your sides, and your course is plated in front of you; now what? In general, all food should be cut up into bite-sized pieces as eaten; only meals for children should be cut all at once. Concerning portion size, take a small to moderate amount for each chew, and never talk while your mouth is full. When it comes to seasoning, always taste before reaching for the salt – many chefs season to taste, and adding unwanted flavorings can be rude. If your food is hot, do not blow on it. Instead, wait a few minutes for it to cool off. If there is something on your plate you are not fond of, try at least two bites unless it is an allergy issue. Eat each item with utensils unless it is finger food. There is a list of potential finger-friendly eats but generally, look to the host when deciding to use your hands. When it comes to drinks, if wine is being served in a stemmed glass, hold the glass by the stem to avoid changing the temperature.
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If you need to excuse yourself anytime during the meal, whether for the bathroom or a phone call, simply ask for forgiveness. It is optional to disclose where you are going. Push your chair back on the table and exit from the same side you entered while leaving your napkin neatly on the chair. You should excuse yourself for using the restroom, using your phone, and dealing with bodily functions. Now is a good time to mention that phone use at the table is unacceptable, and it should be put away for the duration of the party.
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When dining out somewhere deluxe, there is likely an occasion for celebration. Toasts are always appropriate to acknowledge someone or something of importance, so be prepared with one prior to the event. Wait for a proper time at night, like when the first round of drinks is divvied out or the time after dinner and before dessert. Be sure to speak slowly and clearly so everyone can hear you, as restaurants are usually pretty loud. Never toast to yourself; if you are the guest of honor, be sure to say your thanks before taking a sip. When in doubt, follow the three B’s of toasting: begin, be brief, and be seated.
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At the end of the meal, leave your napkin to the left of your plate and your utensils on the dish. Never use a toothpick or dental floss at the table. When the check comes, be sure to thank your server kindly and tip generously to ensure that you receive the best service if you were to return to the establishment. Once everyone begins to rise, stand with them and thank whoever extended the invitation to you.
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