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Liberate Lombard

Scott Lucas | May 20, 2014 | Lifestyle Story City Life

At the behest of local residents, the MTA Board of Directors passed a proposal today that would close parts of Lombard street to tourist traffic for four weekends this summer. Thank god. What have tourists ever done for this city?

"It's an excessive volume of cars, at least on weekends," David Crimmins told the Chronicle. He's been pushing the closure of behalf of the Russian Hill Neighbors group. "It causes an enormous backup from Hyde back to Van Ness. It's basically a traffic jam of cars spewing exhaust in an otherwise enjoyable neighborhood."

Under the proposal, the road would be closed from Larkin to Leavenworth from noon to 6 p.m. on each Saturdays and Sundays from June 21 through July 13. It would also restrict access on the Fourth of July, which falls on a Friday. Cars driven by neighbors—Americans more deserving of the use of public roads—would be exempted, but parking officials would be posted to keep out the tourists.

But why stop there? We hate having to deal with out-of-towners clogging up the Ferry Building Farmers Market and buying up all the organic broccoli sprouts before we can get to them. Banned. And don't get us started on trying to get a table at State Bird Provisions. It should be locals-only unless you're at least Ryan Gosling-level famous. Bring down the ban-hammer. Want to crack open a tall boy at Dolores Park next weekend? You should have to prove that your roots stretch back at the very minimum to the Gold Rush.

The whole city should be run like the Battery Club, is what we're saying.

It just makes sense. No piece of city infrastructure is more vital than a super-crooked road you can only drive five miles an hour down. That's the kind of resource that just cries out to be locals-only.

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