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Macaulay Culkin's Pizza-Themed Velvet Underground Cover Songs Ranked

Scott Lucas | March 5, 2014 | Lifestyle Story City Life

You might have missed Woodstock. You didn't see Nirvana play The Hollywood Palace in '91. Maybe you couldn't even get off the couch for Miley Cyrus bringing her Bangerz tour to Oakland last month.

That's ok. All can still be made right.

You can still see Macaulay Culkin's pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band tonight at Neck of the Woods in Inner Richmond.

In honor of the Pagemaster star, we assembled an office-wide critical consensus on the band's pizza songs. From least to best, here are our favorites. (You can listen to all of them here):

8. Pizza
Stretching the single word pizza into the two words of Sweet Jane is too thin. Sorry, dude, but your dough broke on this one.

7. Pizza Gal
The song is about a woman who tries to mooch all of the pizza. Maybe this is the kind of thing that only happens to celebrities?

6. All the Pizza Parties
Hate to say it, but the dude from Vampire Weekend did it better.

5. Pizza Day
It's true. The only thing missing from Lou Reed's perfect day was a pepperoni slice.

4. Take a Bite of the Wild Slice
What the hell is a wild slice? We don't know—but we're intrigued.

3. Papa John Says
The lyric: "This pie's cold/and there are mushroom/Get them off my pie/Get them off my pie" is stone-cold brilliance.

2. I'm Waiting for the Delivery Man
All of the pounding barrelhouse piano, with none of the uncomfortable racial overtones of the original.

1. I'm Beginning to Eat the Slice
"Here we go again/eating 'za again/Here we go again/hand me a napkin" is legitimately hysterical.

Technically Disqualified: Cheese Days.
Critical Consensus: It's a great song, but the Jackson Browne-penned tune These Days appeared on Nico's debut solo album. Though members of the Velvet Underground played on many of the tracks, they didn't on that one. So we have to dq it.

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