Godzilla rampages into theaters today in a colossal remake from Legendary Pictures (Batman Begins, Pacific Rim) starring Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad). And, in what has become a disaster movie trope, the radioactive menace takes his frustration out on the Golden Gate Bridge. But which cinematic bridge terrorizer did it best?
7. Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
Super-intelligent apes run amok in rush hour traffic—only a bit worse than your average Bay to Breakers shenanigans.
Destructometer Rating: 1
6. It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955)
In this fishy creature feature, a giant octopus engulfs and crushes the span with its tentacles. But the several tons of fresh sashimi took the sting out of it.
Destructometer Rating: 2
5. Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009)
A giant prehistoric shark takes a bite out of the Golden Gate. We’re not quite sure what this proved to his rival, Giant Octopus.
Destructometer Rating: 3 (penalty for biting)
4. The Core (2003)
“Unfiltered sunlight” melts the span. Even worse was the resulting Fox News editorial about how climate issues still need more study.
Destructometer Rating: 4
3. X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Sir Ian McKellen magnetically levitates the bridge to Alcatraz. A disaster, sure, but the tourists no doubt appreciated the photo op.
Destructormeter Rating: 4.5
2. Pacific Rim (2013)
A sea monster plows through the Golden Gate 43 seconds into this monsters-versus-robots film. On the bright side, median rent probably dropped a bit afterward.
Destructometer Rating: 5
1. Godzilla (2014)
The big guy walks right through the bridge and proceeds to torch the rest of the town. Finally, someone we can all hate more than Tom Perkins.
Destructometer Rating: We're going to need a bigger chart.
Originally published in the May issue of San Francisco magazine