While it may seem like this is the worst Boston-related news since Dunkin Donuts announced its expansion to the West Coast, save those tears. It’s not so bad to lose Sandoval. In fact, we don’t mind at all. Just look at his career. Who needs the Kung Fu Panda anyway? Not us.
After all, he only led the team to three World Series wins in the last five years.
Only hit for a career .297 batting average.
Only made the All-Star team twice.
Only hit three home runs in the first game of the 2012 Series.
Only provided us with an endlessly fascinating and ultimately strangely inspirational story about his weight gains and losses—remember Operation Panda and how he got benched during the 2010 World Series?
Only played for the Giants since he was signed at 16 in 2003 and is only one of the few major players to come up through our farm teams in years.
Only fills us with unchecked, childlike joy—a joy we cannot name, only feel as it washes over us, warm and gentle—every time we see his face.
Only plugs a major hole in the team’s offensive lineup—and in our hearts.
What’s it matter if he leaves the Giants? We don’t care at all. Not one bit.
We have to stop typing now. We have something in our eye. Give us a minute.