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Please, Please Don't Pay $300 for Brunch

Scott Lucas | May 12, 2014 | Story Clubs and Bars

Listen, there is a case to be made in favor of the much-maligned $4 toast. It's really nice bread, and you get like a really nice spread of artisanal local organic jam or whatever on it. And frankly, we're used to throwing down three bucks for our morning cup of lemon-juice-flavored coffee from Blue Bottle of Four Barrel.

But—almighty Krishna—you don't need to be paying $300 to go to a brunch.

That's not what the folks behind BRVNCH want you to think. According to their press release, they're "offering San Francisco's elite party crowd the opportunity to join the city's one-of-a-kind, members only brunch club."

Brunch! It's like going clubbing! Except in the middle of the day. And with orange juice.

The "Brunch Extravaganza" takes place at 11:30 AM on June 29th, at a location to be "disclosed upon ticket purchase." Though they're cagy about that piece of information, BRVNCH nevertheless wants you to know that "New York expats and Vegas aficionados know that brunch is much more than just omelets and Bloody Mary's."

And for that chunk of cash, you're not just getting bottomless Moet Chandon mimosas and Ketel One Bloody Mary's. You're getting "trapeze artists, go-go dancers, world renowned DJs, and much more."

Much more, of course, includes the bone-deep knowledge that you personally are part of the problem. Which, to be fair, is a bargain. Most people go through their lives unsure exactly how they fit into the crazy, endless parade of humanity. For just $300, you'll get the existential satisfaction of knowing that you are the ridiculous clown on that parade route.

Plus you'll get omelets too. Maybe it's worth it after all.

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