It's four weeks in and I can't believe I'm still doing this. Welcome to the Real World EXplosion Recap: Week Four.
We get a brief recap where were a reminded of all of the relationships and personal dramas that have developed over the past three weeks. "I'm happy Ashley left," Corey says. "Things are going smooth." A roommate was voted out last week and things are moving on. It's just a typical Thursday in the Real World house.
"BUT ON TONIGHT'S EPISODE," the neon letters flash at us.
"WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW"
"THEIR EXES MOVE IN"
Yesssssss. At last! After a quick montage of paint-filled balloons exploding and people looking stressed about their exes, we are told we have 96 hours until the exes arrive. Until then it's just really casual around the house. Arielle and her ex Ashely (who is already living in the house) are chatting by the hot tub. They've broken up but are still close together. Moving on, Tom and Jamie, who are kind of a thing, are having a totally natural, un-scripted, legitimately real conversation about their exes. Just like everyone does with their new love interests, duh.
Now it's night time and Arielle is bring everyone to what they think is a ~SpOoKy~ dinner but really turns out to be an erotica-themed restaurant, because nothing says dinner like potstickers with a water-based lube dipping sauce. "What the fuck," Jenny says, as the waiters and waitresses stroke each other behind our diners. "It's like a sex-filled room of sexness," Jenny continues, as we see clip after clip of roses rubbing necks, Jamie eyeing Tom, and everyone else looking hyper horny. It's an hour later and everyone is having sex with each other in the house. Everyone except Jay who has resumed his role has the house peanut gallery. The camera pans left and up and down across the screen with shots of blankets rustling around, showers being turned on, and then there's Jay, flexing his right bicep in the confessional. He looks lonely. :-(
The next few scenes are people talking about their exes again. Corey's ex Lauren keeps calling and seems crazy. Jay's ex Jenna is cute and upset about Jay grinding with ladies at the club. Jenny gets a call from her ex who seems controlling and is clearly force-fed lines. I'm wondering how this is going to work once the exes are in the house... There are going to be 12 people living there, on camera, each with their own dramas...I guess we'll just have to wait and see!
Until then it's time for the roomies to try to scare Corey by dressing Jamie up as the girl from "The Grudge." Really? What the hell? Don't they have a club to twerk at? But, no, they put some fake blood and a white dress on Jamie and went up to his bed and he was legit scared. It was actually super cute seeing them laughing and rolling around on the floor after Corey let out a high pitched scream and ran across the house. They're just little nerdy babies looking for a laugh with their new buds. It's sweet.
The next day we find out that they're all going on a two-day vay-cay on a houseboat! Everyone is pumped to get out of the house but this is really just a good excuse to get the roomies out so now-former roommate Ashley can get her stuff. "It's smells in here," Ashley says. "It smells in here," she repeats. Her packing is uneventful and she signs off her last confessional with "Bye, Murica."
We get some fun shots of everyone at Lake Shasta on a house boat havin' fun, but little do they know the producers are changing everything in the house in anticipation of the new roomies! So many before/after shots flash before my eyes.
Now it's the next day. The countdown timer for when the exes arrive hits zero and a fleet of taxis pulls up to the house. It's similar to the first episode. People come trickling in one by one. First is Lauren, Corey's ex. The two haven't seen each other in a year, and Lauren is under the impression that she is the sole roommate arriving to replace the girl who left. Next is Brian, Jenny's ex. His hair looks like it's made of plastic. It's black and shiny and stuck in one place.
The Originals are on their way back to the house and Arielle reflects that this is the first season where everyone gets along. "It's going to be smooth sailing from here on," she says naively. After a brief commercial break, the neon letters are back. "THE EXES HAVE ARRIVED," it unnecessarily tells us. The Originals' van pulls up and it's time for confrontation. There are a bunch of buzzing and booming sounds and we get a brief clip of the exes being discovered but then...
MTV really left us with a cliff hanger this week, guys! What will happen next? We all know you're not going to be watching this show, so check back next Thursday for the next exciting batch of Real World dRaMa~