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Rick Perry: Texan, Christian, Troll

Scott Lucas | June 12, 2014 | Story Politics

Rick Perry, the governor of Texas, spoke at the Commonwealth Club last night in San Francisco. He was here to talk about how his Christian faith has led him to accept all people, no matter who they are or what they do, since we are all God's children.

Nope. Just kidding. He actually came here to tell us all that being gay is the same as being an alcoholic.

Rick Perry, ladies and gentleman, Rick Perry. Take a bow.

According to the Chronicle, Perry told the crowd, "Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that. I may have the genetic coding that I'm inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way."

If you've been paying attention, this isn't the first time that Governor Falwell, er, Perry, famous for his ill-fated run for President in which he flirted with the idea of secession and allegedly made ample use of industrial-strength pain-killers, has trolled the Bear Flag republic. In fact, Perry has made a side career out of it. As the L.A. Times notes, "He’s made sport of coming to visit, seeking to entice companies with thousands of jobs to pack up and move to the lower taxes and less-regulated environment of the Lone Star State.‎"

Back in May, he gave $40 million in Texas state money to Toyota to entice it to move 3,000 jobs from California (turns out Toyota was probably going to have done that without the money). In February, he took a four-day long "business recruitment trip" here, and spent $24,000 on television ads to lure companies away. Following the governor's lead, a group of Texas lawmakers even tried to poach the company that makes Sriracha from Southern California (presumably by telling it that in Texas, there's no problem with spewing noxious gas).

So this is Rick Perry's deal. He comes here, talks some shit, offers some bribes, and then hopes he can persuade a company or two to relocate to the land of collapsing luxury houses and men throwing puppies from cars. That's cool with us. Competition among the states is a good thing.

We're not worried about it, because, as it turns out, being a bigoted, close-minded jerk is not such a smart way to make people want to move to the state you govern. Must be the pain pills clouding his head, but Perry hasn't figured that one out yet.

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