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Sexy Textbook Gets East Bay Parents All Hot and Bothered

Scott Lucas | August 6, 2014 | Story

A group of parents is up in arms over a new textbook—or should we say sextbook—recently approved for use in sexual education classes in Fremont. More than 600 have signed a petition calling for the school district to withdraw its use of "Your Health Today" in ninth grade health classes.

What's so objectionable about the book, which was chosen by Fremont's health teachers and approved by the school board in June? Well, it's 392 pages of pure filth, that's what. We're talking information on condoms, masturbation, dating websites, sexual positions, kinks, gay marriage, and even e-cigarettes. Worse yet, judging from the book's cover, it also seems to promote rooftop tomato gardens. It's scandalous and delicious!

One of the leaders of the parental protest, Asfia Ahmed, told the Chronicle that the textbook was not the right choice. "I feel that it's not age appropriate for these kids." The Pacific Justice Institute, a conservative legal group that has defended creationists, union dues objectors, and opponents of the Common Core curriculum, may weigh a legal action, pending a formal appeal within the district.

One district employee defended the use of the textbook in a classic, made-for-the-Daily-Show quote last June, saying, "If you think sex isn't happening with your freshmen, you need to take your blinders off. It's happening in the corners, in the bathrooms, in the cars, in the parks, and even on the 50-yard line in front of everyone."

That's right, on the 50-yard-line. In front of everyone. Parents of Fremont, be very afraid.

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