1. The "Frat Boy" Fan
You know who you are. On Sunday morning, squeeze into a white, extra small v-neck, gel your hair, and take a few shots before heading down to Bar None in the Marina. While the game is going on, you can rule the beer pong tables and reminisce about vomiting off the frat house balcony in college. Heck, maybe you’ll even run into Marina Girl Says at the bar!
2. The Apathetic Fan
Don’t necessarily care for football? Just here to have a good time? Check out Bottom of the Hill, where the third annual Stupor Bowl Heavy Metal Chili Cook-Off is going down. The game will be on, so you can still impress your friends by knowing the final score (maybe), but the main attraction is the mouth-watering chili creations.
3. The Diehard Fan
If you eat, drink and breathe 49er football, you’ll want to take in the game at former Giants closer Brian Wilson’s Lucky Strike by AT&T Park. Enjoy a long beer list, good food and endless flat-screen TVs here among the faithful. Chances are, everyone in the crowd is on the same level as you, so you won’t have to worry about petty distractions like the otherwise ever-present apathetic fan.
4. The Screaming Fan
If the referees really were to blame for everything negative that happens to your team, they wouldn’t still be in that line of work. Cheering for your team is fine; cursing in public at a TV screen is not. Please take your vocal talents to Polk St., where the DJ and cheap drinks at Playland Bar will hopefully drown out your earth-shaking voice.
5. The Sabermetrics Fan
You love talking sports statistics and strategy with your buddies, don’t you? Well Lush Lounge on Polk St. is a more mellow bar where people will either not care at all about the game, or be above the rest of sports-watching society like you. Get a seat, order a drink, and show the rest of us how it’s done. Don't tip in fractions though, nerd.
6. The Religious Fan
We won’t comment on anyone’s beliefs, but whatever diety you are muttering to from the awkward corner table probably has better things to do than watch the Super Bowl. If you’re going to throw up Hail Mary’s (see what we did there?) every time the 49ers get in a tough spot, head on over to Zeki’s Bar, conveniently situated a block from Grace Cathedral. You know, in case the game gets really intense.
7. The 1% Fan
People who wear “team colors” on their special-order Italian silk ties and drink $43 martinis from tiger-pelt bar stools should be situated at The Cliff House. You can peek at the Bistro bar’s TV between sips of champagne and bites of poached salmon. Better yet, keep an eye on that Egyptian, copper-encrusted yacht you purchased through the vast ocean views from the dining room.
8. The Skittish Fan
Nerves are not to be tolerated on Super Bowl Sunday, especially if you’re the kind to audibly concede the game after the first incomplete pass. Go to Grant & Green Saloon, where the crowd will be smart, confident, and very drunk. You’ll feel there is reason for optimism, and won’t have to get an earful for proclaiming that, “trust me, the Niners just don’t have it today!” after three plays.
9. The "Along for the Ride" Fan
Whether it be a tag-along to a touchdown-loving, beer-guzzling boyfriend or a recent transplant to the city trying to make his or her mark on a new crew, Elixir is the place to be for the Super Bowl. Not only will you get free entertainment (a lot of the riots after the Giants won the World Series went down in the Mission), but $10 will get you all-you-can-eat from the grill all day long.
10. The Ravens Fan
Stay home and drink to your heart’s content. Just don’t wander into a bar downtown and expect the tipsy sea of red and gold to be polite and civil. Normally, San Franciscans are totally cool with purple clothing dotting the streets. During the Super Bowl, that wardrobe won't be so welcome.
Which kind of fan are you? Where are you watching the game on Sunday? Tweet us at @sanfranmag to let us know!