The influx of new tech money into Pacific Heights is "disrupting" its staid environs, or so writes Evgenia Peretz in this month's Vanity Fair. We got our hands on an early print copy of the magazine, and boy, are the details juicy. (You can read an online preview here). So, as in all Bay Area conflicts, it's time to take a side. Are you on #TeamOldMoney or #TeamNewMoney? Or—god forbid—are you on #TeamNoMoney? Here's a handy quiz to help you decide. (FYI: Almost all the details come directly from the Vanity Fair article).
1. You have to attend the Midwinter Gala to benefit the de Young Museum. Do you:
A) Throw on a tuxedo, the way Trevor Traina, the son of society maven Dede Wilsey, demands that you do?
B) Try to get away with just a jacket and tie, the way that Jeremy Stoppelmanm, co-founder of Yelp, almost did?
C) Skip the gala to see a exhibition of Wes Anderson-inspired paintings in the Mission?
2. At a cocktail party at the Gettys', you are forced to make small talk with other guests. Do you:
A) "Leave your work and have many other interests" the way that Denise Hale requires?
B) Talk about your latest acquisition with the other founders in the room?
C) Circulate around the room, asking guests if they would like to have another crab puff?
3. You're outgrowing your cold water flat and it's time to move. Do you:
A) Pay $3.9 million for the house next door to the Gettys like Larry Elllison did in 1988, and then tear the whole thing down to put up a modernist lair?
B) Wait to buy a house until Traina calls you personally in 2012 to alert you to upcoming vacancies—the way he did for Senior VP of Design at Apple Sir Jonathan Ive ($17 million), former Zynga CEO Mark Pincus ($16 million), Paypal mafia member David Sacks ($20 million), and venture capitalist Matt Cohler ($23.5 million)?
C) Write a stern letter to the editor of the Bay Guardian demanding an expansion of rent control?
4. It's time to redecorate that new house. Do you:
A) Turn over the project to design guru Ken Fulk, as did Michael and Xochi Birch, who will force you to decamp to London for seven weeks, make you cut your hair when you come home, gather all your friends (and hire two Beefeater doormen from the Sir Francis Drake), and enlist a singer to croon some Beatles songs all as part of what Fulk calls, "The Reveal?"
B) Let your tech elite control freak flag fly the way that Mark Pincus does?
C) Tear out a picture of one of the Gold Coast houses from the Vanity Fair article and tack it up on your wall as a dartboard?
5. It's time to start a family. Do you:
A) Decide that the only thing better than one is two, and so keep a secret second family the way that Gordon Getty did for 14 years?
B) Call Fulk and have him design you an enchanted forest backdrop for your multi-milliion dollar wedding the way that Sean Parker did?
C) Show up on Ocean Beach with your special friend and some two Buck Chuck and start procreating the old-fashioned way?
6. You've been fortunate. You want to give back to the community. Do you:
A) Join a roll call of boards, like the museums, symphony, opera, and the ballet the way that folks like Charles Schwab, Warren Hellman, and Walter Shorenstein did?
B) Request Ron Conway make Mayor Ed Lee sit down with you to tell you who Charles Schwab, Warren Hellman, and Walter Shorenstein were?
C) Tip the guy selling loose joints at Hardly Strictly a little extra?
Give yourself one point for every A you choose, two points for every B, and zero points for every C. Then add up your score and see where you fit:
0-4: We hear that Occupy is making a comeback. Good for you, because you're on #TeamNoMoney.
5-8: We assume you are reading this on your iPad while your Learjet takes you to Aspen where you'll be recording your latest TED talk. Welcome to #TeamNewmoney. Say hi to Gavin for us!
9-12: Will the maid or manservant who has been reading this quiz to you whilst you soak in a gold-plated tub full of champagne please inform you that you are on #TeamOldMoney?
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