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The Great Mystery of San Francisco's Running Route Dicks

Scott Lucas | August 6, 2014 | Story Tech World

Deep in the arid plateaus of Southern Peru around 500 AD, the Nazca natives created hundreds of images in the earth that, when seen from great distances, resembled monkeys, spiders, condors—and even human heads. What was their purpose? A religious offering to the gods? A means to signal ancient alien astronauts? Ley lines to channel the geomorphic energy coursing through the desert? Modern science can only guess.

Just like we may never know the real purpose of the Great Dick Lines of San Francisco. What is their purpose? Who created them? What darks arts are they drawing on?

Sure, we want to believe that the lines were created by local runner Claire Wyckoff, who artfully rendered them by tracking her routes using Nike+. We want to think that she uploaded her routes to a Tumblr, where she also displays stripper poles, dogs, bonnets, and more penis drawing than were contained in the movie Superbad. We want to conclude that Wyckoff is a copywriter at Venables Bell & Partners and an "American Hero."

But how do we know that these lines weren't sketched by the same people who want you to think that there wasn't a shooter on the grassy knoll? That there was no alien spacecraft that crash landed at Area 51? That Ed Lee's mustache is real, and not a control implant placed there by Ron Conway.

But you know better. And we know better, too.

The truth is out there.

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