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The Real World EXplodes in our Face: Week Eight

Sean Pyles | March 6, 2014 | Story

Time again for another Real World Recap. We’re eight weeks in, which means that we are over the hump—but the show still has at least four more hours of drama to painfully contrive. Yay!

Last week, we had a genuine moment of humanity when Arielle (or the producers) invited a group of Arielle’s gender-queer friends into the house and they had what has to have been the most open, informative discussion on trans issues to cross the network that runs a show called “16 and Pregnant.” Let’s hope today’s episode presents even a semblance of that real human moment.

If not, whatever. This show is mostly garbage anyway. Let’s begin!

The show begins with high-pitched dubby beeping and a recap of events—someone is pregnant and Jenny is in love with her former ex/now boyfriend. But, oh, no—Jenny’s again boyfriend kissed a stranger at da club last night. Drama is bound to follow. Jenny’s again boyfriend, the plastic-haired Brian, knows he has to tell Jenny about the kiss. Sometime.

In the meantime, Tom, the "nice guy," says that if his ex brought someone back to the house, as any single person is want to do, it would be disrespectful to him. Tom is fairly handsome in a beanie-wearing, hemp necklace kind of way, but his territorial issues are totes problematic. Everyone is just hanging around the house expressing how they feel proprietary over certain individuals around them. It’s nbd.

Jenny is wearing some sexy blue jeans walking down the hall singing, “I got a dollar, I got a dollar,” as she waves a dollar lazily. She meets Brian in his bed and he says he’s scared, that he feels like he’s losing his sanity. Suddenly it’s night time and everyone is going out but Brian, who is still sadly laying in bed, using a beach towel as a pillow.

At da club Jenny does an amazing body roll that accentuates her genuinely amazing, sexy body. Tom is sitting at the bar with Corey continuing his territorial ramblings about his ex. Then, we cut to Jenny and Brian at a cafe where Brian orders a baked potato. It’s the perfect time, he thinks, to tell Jenny that he kissed that stranger. For someone so sexy and muscular and baked potato-eating, Brian is super cowardly. "It was crazy, I got this girls number or somethin’ like that, and by the end of the night I kissed that girl," he says.

We get a montage of stuff to come—Jenny slapping Brian, Jay crying because he won't say he loves his ex, Jamie prying into other people’s relationships. The paint filled balloon is burst with an arrow and we’re back.

Hilariously, Brian is locked out of the house and Jenny, a mere three feet away, is ignoring his sad whimpers as he asks to be let in. Tom, keeping true to his bro code, obliges. “Ladies and gentlemen,” Jenny announces in the confessional, “I am pissed beyond belief. Brian does not deserve to breathe in my presence at this point.”

Jenny continues her role as my second favorite cast member (after Arielle) as she begins to berate Brian. “You have just lit the flames of hell, and I feel sorry for you,” she tells Brian. “I’m gonna go crazy,” she tells Tom’s ex.

Back at the house Jamie presents a hammer and a wedge to drive between Jay and his ex, Jenna. Jay mentions that him and Jenna are the only couple that doesn’t fight (and hence gets no air time). Jamie overhears and makes it her business, telling Jenna that she is so passive she wouldn’t mention anything even if there was a problem. Jay and Jamie ask Jenna to express what she’s feeling and he just sits there, silent, tears coming to her eyes. They’re pushing her. They want some sort of emotion, some real declaration from Jenna to stand her ground.

“Tell Jay what you told me,” Jamie demands. Silence.

Jay want to know what Jenna said and she responds, “Nothing,” as she looks down at her finger nails. Jenna shrugs and wipes her tears. Jenna is now silently crying as Jamie decides to speak for her. “I’m stressed out,” is all she says. In a confessional we learn that in a previous relationship when Jenna expressed herself it ruined the relationship and she was yelled at for it, so she has since stopped.

It’s getting heated at the house so Arielle, who just wants some god damn pizza, tells every one to go to bed. “When in doubt, pass out,” Arielle wisely states. Drama again starts between Jenny and Brian, but now Corey is involved. We get a shot of Arielle shaking her head and walking away. Brian calls Jenny a “dumb bitch” and slaps him not once, but twice. This is not a good thing. Arielle comes back and talks down Brian, but Brian keeps asking for Jenny to hit him again. It seems like everyone has calmed down, but then Jenny runs around the room and knocks into Brian with an impressively solid kick to his side.

“I’m impressed,” says Arielle,” Because that was a really impressive kick, but, I don’t know if we need to round house kick our roommates. So, I will never get to my pizza, it’s never going to happen.” Real world security holds back Jenny and continues to follow Jenny around the house.

“Punk ass, stupid ass bitch,” Brian yells across the house.

“AT THE SAME TIME,” the neon letters state, Jenna and Jay get in a genuine fight and Jenny starts letting everything out. She has been given more air time in this scene than in the entire season up to this point.

“You need to get checked!” Brian yells at Jenny in the front room

“For what?” Jenny replies, clearly bored of the situation.

“Your intelligence.” And we’ve effectively been brought back to fifth grade. Remember that sensitive and intelligent discussion last week about transgender people? The one where everyone in the house showed that if asked to, they could act like decent adults? Don't worry, nobody on the show remembers it either.

The fight continues and a producer finally comes out from a hole in the wall where she’s been living, apparently, and breaks it up.

It’s the next day and a group meeting is called. Arielle says people need to speak directly to the people with whom they have a problem. Dubby sounds come in and out and we know is serious and tensions are high.

A few hours later Jenny starts throwing all of Brian’s shit out of their room and it’s suddenly the end of the episode. “This is a very complicated situation,” Brian says. “This is a sort of difficult situation,” Brian says redundantly. We get another preview of violence to come and we are left with a disappointingly though unsurprisingly vapid episode of The Real World Explosion. That’s all for now, dear reader. Until next time, keep it ~rEaL~

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