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The Real World EXplodes in our Face: Week Seven

Sean Pyles | February 28, 2014 | Lifestyle Story Culture

Hello again, people of the Real World. Time for another recap of “The Real World.” (Note the quotation marks.) Last week some forced but sad drama occurred, as one of the exes discovered she was pregnant. Will she leave the house for good? Is it time for the crew to head out to Emeryville for an Ikea crib?? Let’s find out.

At the top of the show, we get right into the drama with Corey and his pregnant ex discussing her new discovery about what is growing in her body. She doesn’t want the cameras watching this… but she’s on "The Real World," so it’s not an option. They’re whispering, but each of them is so well microphoned that it doesn’t matter. We can hear everything but somehow not too much is said.

Meanwhile, this random guy, Doug—who made a brief appearance in the second episode of the show—stops by. I like to think the producers brought him back for some comic relief from what is otherwise a too-real human drama. I'm glad he's here. Awkward, stiff, and wearing large, plastic white sunglasses, Doug is so clearly unwelcome in the house it makes me laugh. Jamie asks him who he is and just said, “Oh,” when she remembered.

Corey and his ex are talking with a producer, IRL. For the first time this season, a producer shows herself and is extremely compassionate—for someone who is manipulating these emotionally-vulnerable people. Arielle, the spiritual core of the household, also consoles Lauren, the pregnant ex. It becomes more and more apparent that Lauren needs to leave. Despite having cheated on Lauren multiple times since their relationship began in seventh grade, Corey is entirely unsympathetic to his ex's woes. He straight up says he’s not going to be there for her. He's a catch, this one.

But, Lauren isn’t a mom yet, so she’s going to da club!! Corey won't touch her, and the weight of this drama is just too much for him to handle. So he grinds on some other girl who is referred to as “Random Woman” by the show. Classy. When they all return from the club, the real emotions return, as Lauren sobs in bed and Corey insists that he is the most hurt, the most betrayed. Seven episodes in and it is clear that it is Corey, not Drunk Ashley, who is the least mature and emotionally accountable person on the show.

After a brief interlude with Jenny and her plastic-haired ex going out to dinner, we get back to the main drama: Lauren, Corey and Baby. They go out to a pizza place (with a lot of background noise) and Lauren and Baby announce they’re leaving. Corey and Lauren keep saying that they can’t turn back time, but that they wish they could. They keep saying it. Lauren gives a tearful “I’ll see you guys soon,” and time moves on. At the airport, Corey and Lauren hug over softly strumming acoustic guitar and they depart with an elaborate handshake. A handshake. A handshake? A handshake.

Ten minutes left in the show, and the ground is being laid for more drama. Arielle’s ex keeps saying that she likes girls and would prefer Arielle to dress more femininely. This argument is more of a drunk bickering match rather than a real fight, and in the morning they're over it and return to being the most stable, beautiful people in the house.

The final event of the show is surprisingly progressive. Arielle, who was confused for Trans* earlier in the episode, has invited a group of her Trans* friends to the house to talk about whether she has the right to be upset for being mistaken for Trans* and if it is problematic or not. We get a shot of the house bros in saying they’re really open to the meeting and learning about it. Everyone is sitting around asking open, respectful questions and I don’t know the last time a conversation like this has occurred on cable in front of such an audience. It's a like a transmission from an alternate MTV reality.

Oh, wait, looks like I wrote too soon. The real last event of the episode is a split Girls an Boys night out. The boys can’t stop collecting numbers! Jenny’s ex kisses a girl!

The last 30 seconds are dedicated to a scattered, dubsteppy preview of drama to come. There are clothes flying everywhere, someone saying Armageddon is coming, and someone else saying that the family is done. There can’t be more than four episodes left, so we’re going to need a story arc to carry us through. I think this may just be it—the end of the world. Alas, the drama continues~. That’s all for now, dedicated reader. Until next time, keep it ~rEaL~~!!~!~~.

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