Who's That (Marina) Girl?

Jenna Scatena | January 31, 2013 | Lifestyle Story City Life

San Francisco's newest media darling may be a fabricated online persona, but Marina Girl Says is gaining hundreds of fans a day (6,000 Facebook friends, 2,000 Twitter followers, and counting) and inspiring copy cats around the city (yeah you, Russian Hill Girl Says). Here, we try to get behind the flaky facade as she weighs in on Fernet shots, "Roman Numeral Men," and what life as a Marina girl is really like.

San Francisco: How long have you lived in SF?
Marina Girl Says: Since 2004. My sorority wouldn't let me stay after I graduated, so I came here instead.

SF: Why did you move to the Marina?
MGS: I Googled "hot guys in San Francisco, not gay" and a map of the Marina popped up.

SF: Do you have a job?
MGS: Yes, otherwise my dad won't pay my AMEX!!

SF: Since no one knows your real identity, some people have speculated that you're actually a guy…
MGS: I'm not a guy. I'm a really, really pretty girl.

SF: Why do you use a profile picture of Cameron Diaz?
MGS: [Crickets]

SF: Some of your followers have complained that you're perpetuating the stereotype that women in the Marina only care about LuluLemon, start-up founders, and Tahoe vacation homes. What’s your response to that?
MGS: Complaining gives you wrinkles.

SF: Do you have any hobbies besides taking Fernet shots at Balboa and speed dating?
MGS: I’d like to clarify that I don't drink brown liquor, so I never take Fernet shots. My current hobbies include but are not limited to riding around town in Uber cabs, part-time modeling, collecting yoga pants, texting, and planning my wedding to Prince Harry.

SF: What other misconceptions do people have about you?
MGS: People think that I don’t care about serious stuff, but I do. For example, I care about helping my friends obtain glossy hair. I’ve also helped animals find loving homes. One time, I got a puppy named Kiki. When my social schedule became far too demanding to keep her, I found her a very amazing home (she now lives with my parents). Lately, I’ve been pretty focused on community service: I am now dating guys 6’1” and under.

SF: If you could solve one civic issue in SF, what would it be?
MGS: The clear lack of Roman Numeral Men in San Francisco. An example of a perfectly eligible candidate: S. Preston Patrick Buffington IV. There are a plethora of these men on the East Coast, but where are their West Coast counterparts? We need to import some RN men, stat.

SF: What about the homeless problem? How might the city be able to fix it?
MGS: One solution would be to move them into a huge mansion in Pac Heights. It would be like “The Bachelor,” but instead of helping people find love, it would help the homeless find a home.

SF: How do you feel about the ban on nudity that’s set to take effect this Friday?
MGS: The last time I undressed in public was at Bay to Breakers when a bunch of Magic Mikes rolled me around in their shopping carts. This was not my finest moment. Therefore, I support the ban (unless you’re Ryan Lochte or Prince Harry).

SF: Let’s talk neighborhoods. Besides the Marina, of course, what’s your favorite? And what's your least favorite?
MGS: So Chic: The Financial District given the high ratio of suits to single women. So Bleak: Anyplace where I might run into an ex (including but not limited to: Cow Hollow, Lower Pac Heights, and Regular Pac Heights). Oh, and the Dogpatch because I can never get an Uber there (WTF?).

SF: Are you concerned that this summer's America’s Cup is going to commercialize the Marina?
MGS: No, because I love sports and I fully support all events that import nautical men. Also, I love stripes. And anchors. So cute.

SF: Speaking of men, what’s your strategy for being single in the Marina?
MGS: It’s like my banker ex-boyfriend taught me: diversification is key. So, whenever I am dating a hot guy, I make sure to keep three or four others around. Oh, and every guy in the Marina is named John. Like, everyone. So I like to keep things super organized on my iPhone: “John Popped Collar,” “John from Balboa,” “John from KTs (Pre-Renovation),” “John from KTs (Post-Renovation)."

SF: Last question: Will you ever reveal your true identity?
MGS: Never. Ever.

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